*On the phone*
“Hey, what’re you doing?
Me? I’m dancing and cutting my hair. Definitely not talking to you.
Relatives, acquaintainces, and people basically: “How are you?
Right, that’s a real question. I can answer however I want.
“Do you read?”
What, no. I’m illiterate. Actually, I’m blind.
*17 missed calls from mom*
“I just wanted to know you’re safe.”
Yeah, ISIS is going to abduct me and photo shoot my killing. Don’t worry ma, I’ll use my last wish to give you an FYI call.
*Dad checking my marks*
“Random idiot 1 got this much and random idiot 2 got this much. Why are you silent, why are your marks so low?”
You know what, I know it, but I’m not telling you. I’m sure of why my marks are lesser, but it’s a secret that best stay with me.
“How can you forget to bring your homework? Did you forget to bring your lunchbox?”
Yes I did, a military aircraft carrier is bringing it, and that bald patch on your head is going to be its runway.
“Is this a classroom or a fish market?”
Oh right, you have actually seen a fish market. You love the fragrance of fish, and that is where you go daily. You have no idea what canned food is.
North India: “Are you a Madarasi?”
Yes, I’m from a coastal British Indian port, we live in the nineteenth century, and the smartphone in your hand is actually a brick.
South India: “Do you speak Hindi?”
No, my mother tongue is Afrikaans. I can speak in that, or Yiddish.
*At a wedding*
Random person: “There you are, you have grown so fat. Do you remember me?”
It’s been a decade since I last saw you, of course I remember you. How can I forget someone I met so long back and and barely knew.
*In the temple*
Old man who thinks he’s wise: “How can you wear shorts to a temple? Don’t you have any dressing sense?”
Yeah, we should totally dress like you. Drape our legs with a cloth and go around bare chested.
Customer to shopkeeper: “Should I buy this?”
Go on, shopper. He’s gay and he loves you and what he wants from his heart is for you to have the best product.
*Someone refuses to accept they’re wrong*
Yes, you are right. Everyone else has false memories implanted by aliens, and we are all doomed.
Let me guess, you either mean potassium, or you were typing something and died halfway.
*At the cinema*
“Hey, here for the movie?”
Not at all. I lead a secret life repairing broken cinema screens.
*Wakes you up*
“Are you sleeping?”
No, I just love pretending to be asleep at random times because its so much fun.
“Give me a reply, why aren’t you saying anything?”
Oh, so I have two mouths. Now I get why I have to brush twice a day.
“You are so sarcastic.”
You’re so stupid.
Meet Harsha Agarwal. Bubbly, and cheerful to the point that makes you wonder how someone can be so nice. It was on her suggestion that I wrote a lighter post. You too can leave a suggestion in the comments or send me an email.
Do you relate? How many eye roll moments do you share? Do leave a comment.