In conversation with Teenagers, Scientists, and Storekeepers

Scientist 1: Hey, gravitational waves have been detected!

Teenage guy: Yo storekeeper, it’s Valentine’s day. I hope your prices are low.

Storekeeper 1: They most certainly are. I have taken care to increase the price of everything in my shop and discount them. We’re offering discounts upto 50%.

Teenage girl: I’m so happy! It’s Valentine’s Day!

Storekeeper 2: Me too!

Teenage girl: But a girl does not care for perfumes and chocolate boxes. What she wants is hugs and kisses. Small gestures and a real effort.

Social Media cliche. Sure.

Storekeeper 2: She’s right. Of course, that does not mean you can go empty handed. V-day is when you show love to you girlfriend and your local store owner.

Scientist 2: Why?

Storekeeper 1: Well, it is mostly for daylight robbery, but people would call it tradition.

Storekeeper 2: It is tradition. It is the night we get to order extra glasses.

Scientist 1: Hello, Gravitational waves have been detected!

Teenage girl: Yes, girls love gifts. But a real lady will not jump, or show her excitation. She will accept her gifts gracefully and thank her man.

Scientist 2: Like he says, gravitational waves have been detected! Does anyone care? I could have watched The Big Bang Theory instead of having this conversation.

Teenage Guy: Penny is hot.

Opining on popular telly show. Why not.

Scientist 1: We said the same thing once, and we were labelled sexist.

Storekeeper 1: Don’t look at him that way. Go on, ask him if you’re hot too.

Teenage girl: No, a lady doesn’t talk that way.

Storekeeper 2: It is scientifically proven that a woman’s scent strongly influences how attractive she seems. If you ever want perfumes, we’ve got an amazing collection. You can visit my store anytime.

Scientist 2: Really?

Storekeeper 2: Well, during the working hours. The day is not a problem, we’re open on sundays also.

Scientist 1: I think he meant the scientifically proven part.

Scientist 2: I actually meant the amazing collection part. How can we trust his judgement of his own collection?

Teenage Guy: Haha, he sounded like one of those advertisements where there’s someone in a white coat holding some bottled shit in hand, and claims it to be scientifically proven.

Scientist 1: That lab coat. I mean, seriously? Who goes around in a lab coat all the time?

Ridiculing popular media. Great.

Teenage guy: You guys and mental patients? I’m not sure about you guys, but I have done some research on mental retardedness. One of my exes is mental.

Insulting your ex. Cool.

Storekeeper 2: Go on, ask him about it.

Teenage girl: No, a true lady does not ask a man about his past. She listens only if he tells it himself. And girls do not care about previous ones. All they care about is being the last one.

Teenage Guy: Do you have a brain or a social media meme generator?

Teenage Girl: I love Insta. It’s really insightful.

Scientist 1: Boooring.

Acting like a popular TV character. Well, everyone is a fan.

Storekeeper 1: By the way, when you go for Valentine’s day shopping, always walk by your girl and pamper her. That’s what a gentleman does, right?

Teenage girl: Yes!

Storekeeper 2: Yes, it really helps our sales.

Scientist 1: Scientifically proven products are the only ones you must buy, they’re awesome. Take our medicines for example. They have lots of side effects, sometimes even leaving men with red honey trees. But who cares, they’re scientifically proven. Whatever that means, I’m sure it’s awesome.

Storekeeper 2: Speaking of honey, I’ve been planning to label some of the honey in my store as “Imported”.

Teenage girl: I can’t believe Overactor 1 got back with Overactor 2. I mean, she’s so pretty and he’s so. . .dumb.

Nonsense gossip. Who doesn’t love it.

Teenage guy: Overactor 1 is hot.

Teenage girl: I think pretty is better.

Teenage guy: Overactor 2 is also hot.

Storekeeper 1: Go on, ask him if he’s bisexual.

Joke about the third sex. Tradition.

Teenage guy: Sorry guys, I have to leave. Got work to do.

Storekeeper 1: Okay then, I’m going to act like I’ve got work too, let’s disperse. I hope we never meet again.

Teenage Girl: Thank god, I’m too behind on Insta already.

Scientists: Finally. Time to go home and beat off.

Fake smiles, handshakes with bare contact, and exchanging of social media profiles for the sake of formality.


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